- The Cycle of Dating I Go Through as Someone With BPD | The Mighty
- 10 Tips for Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
- Ten Tips for a More Stable Relationship
For example, if your loved one controls or manipulates you into handing over your entire paycheck so he can use it to buy a new car, you can say, "I am no longer going to give you money. You need to earn money so you can buy the things you want.
A person with BPD does not have the same understanding about emotions and lacks coping mechanisms to manage them efficiently. You need to have a realistic understanding of your partner's behavior and your role in his life as "caretaker.
The Cycle of Dating I Go Through as Someone With BPD | The Mighty
Also, you also need to keep in mind that your partner may never learn to meet your emotional needs. You cannot "heal" your loved one. Also, you need to know that the dysfunction BPD creates in a person's life cripples their emotional capability and understanding, so it's likely that you will not be able to have an emotionally mature relationship. People with BPD are not accustomed to receiving compliments. To establish trust and influence in your partner's life, complimenting your partner for even little things they do that are noteworthy may surprise you and go a long way.
You can also use compliments to reward good behavior, such as "I know you were stressed out yesterday, but you handled it really well," or "I noticed the way you have stopped yelling at me.
However, note that you need to assess what mood your partner is in. Stating the compliment at the wrong time could solicit an extreme reaction. You may never get a response verbally or an expression of gratitude, or even an insult in response. However, it could work for some people with BPD, especially if they seek compliments.
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Try as long as you are willing. Since a person with BPD has low self-esteem, you could be doing some good.
People who have been abused or neglected as children are at higher risk for developing BPD. Because the behaviors of a person with BPD are so outrageous at times, it's very easy to call it quits or blame the person with BPD. It would be like faulting a person for getting cancer.
However, this is not a reason to allow the person you love with BPD to manipulate or abuse you. Still set your limits and stick to them, but in a loving and nonjudgmental way. Also, don't take their outrageous behaviors personally. These are the emotional issues of your loved one. One of the ways you can maintain a relationship with your loved one is to educate yourself about the disorder so you can understand your loved one's behaviors.
People with BPD will often attack you aggressively or get highly defensive, and people often feel like they are dragged to extremes as they are manipulated and guilted into different emotional states and actions they don't feel comfortable doing.
10 Tips for Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
Learning about the disorder will help you understand how your loved one experiences things. Realizing that your loved one has a completely different emotional perspective will help you protect yourself and stick to boundaries. BPD is known as a misunderstood disorder because it often co-occurs with other disorders, such as "depression, bi-polar disorder, substance abuse, eating disorders, and anxiety disorders.
If your partner is already being treated for another disorder and the disorder does not fully explain the parameters of her behavior, have the doctor explore the possibility that she could have BPD. You may have a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle happening with your partner. People who have this disorder have an intense need to feel loved, but their extreme behaviors always keep them in a state of losing that love.
Eventually my mom had to come peel me off of the floor and dump me lovingly into bed. Welcome to my life with borderline personality disorder BPD. It all starts with my idolizing the guy. I meet him, he shows a lot of interest. I ride on the high of a new and dazzling possibility. This time for sure. This delusion lasts about a week, maybe two. He does something to rock my faith in the relationship.
In my efforts to keep him, I resolve never to be the first one to text him, to invite him to do something, to talk to him at all.
Ten Tips for a More Stable Relationship
I test him, gage his behavior, wait for him to do or say something to convince me he still likes me or the other way around. His cute little gestures produce only temporary bliss on my part.
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We endure many an awkward silence. He begins to pull away, and all of my greatest fears are validated. Sometimes, out of sheer desperation, this is when I open up about a few things. Historically, this has never done anything to preserve the relationship. He leaves anyway and, after a good cry, my emotions suddenly shut down.
Sooner or later though, emptiness makes way for rage.